A queer joke, part 1
If you say I’m hurt
I guess I’ll take your word
A $100 buys success…
- Details of the War, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah!
God is dead – he’s long gone and left a note in jest.
“Go fuck each other.” Ha. Ha. How funny.
And a son becomes a man becomes an idea that bursts into a million pieces until it becomes a curse word. And all my life I’ve been trying to figure out where he’s gone and wondered if he was ever really here ever at all, if he ever really cared at all. A bomb strapped to a girl’s chest scatters arms and legs and bits of eyeballs all over the place, a snarling wind swirls dark choking waters into the gurgled throats of withering grandmothers, and airplanes shatter glass towers, spraying fire and paranoia in a fine mist. They all are cloaked in the mystery that is God. My God, your god(s), “no my God is what must be”. He left us to our own devices and we use war and laws to try and bring him back. Misery is ours and joy is not ours – our gains are his handiwork and our shortcomings are our failures.
We divide, bleed and kill each other for someone who left long long ago. And if he hasn’t left, well then, where is he? Perhaps he’s angry at the gays/fags who want to march march march in New Orleans that he sent a flood to wipe out the mothers and daughters, the sons and brothers, and the doctors and patients of a modern Gomorrah. Except the French Quarter, where those queers were supposed to march. That was a touch of irony. Perhaps he’s sad that prayers flew out of our public schools – because kids really need to learn how to pray so that they can get good corporate positions and pretty dresses and nice cars later on in life – that he permitted the Twin Towers to crash. Perhaps all those deaths were the result of our cumulative sins, our gross unnatural desires, and the sum of our rotting humanity.
Perhaps he decided to give only one message and then become a mute. And we should have listened. And if we had listened hard enough, and wrecked and rebuilt our broken souls again, maybe we can understand the joke. And if others can’t or won’t understand the joke given to us, then to hell with them, blast them to smithereens, starve their children, and wreck their cities. As for everyone who lived before the message came, to hell with them too, cause he who is all wise and knowing must have decided on the exact time in infinity to relay his words, and if that is the exact perfect time (because everything he does is perfect), then everyone who existed before that time was a lost cause anyway, and should suffer the consequences of being unlucky to be born too soon. And everyone who refuses to think the joke is funny after message time is doomed, and should suffer the consequence of being peculiar and un-funny. Apparently God/Jehovah/Allah/Holiness doesn’t believe in replay. He would much defer to interpretations of his message rather than take time out from his infinite time and infinite power to speak a few words again. Hence the supreme comedic value.
He loves hypocrites. For we are all hypocrites. And if he doesn’t love us, the joke becomes funnier because we will always be hypocrites. After all, he made us this way. Love your neighbor, except when the guy is different from you. Love, but not when the weirdo:
- Likes getting it in the pooper instead of a vagina. Cause if he thinks like that, he is a sex crazed animal - it’s just about animal sex sex sex all the time anyways. What? He wants to be loved and have a family and be accepted? That is perverse.
- Doesn’t think that a cluster of gray cells should carry veto power to a bigger formed mass of cells. The soul is there already, don't you see?
- Wears a turban instead of a hat. Or a yarmulke instead of a headdress. Or prays in front of a marble statue instead of facing in the direction of a shiny black rock.
- For the oddest reason, doesn’t believe that the earth was plopped into place less than 10,000 years ago, and gives you evidence of bones and rocks to prove his point.
- References from more than one source to validate his reasoning, and questions you when you bring out your book, the only one that matters.
Yeah, love your neighbors. Free association time: SUVs, global warming, Alaska Wildlife Reserve, American dream, exburbs, lottery, ‘Cribs, McDonalds, obesity, Pax Americana, the best country on earth, “Bring ‘em on”, Baghdad, a Tel Aviv café, Africa, stewards of the earth, gluttony, pride, the Second Commandment, the Beatitudes.
God hasn’t really gone away. He has always been here. Just pick up the strings and make him dance – take him from the box that we’ve made for him. Have him shake off the rust and perform miracles.
The pitiable kind of person laughs when he doesn’t understand the joke. The worse person will tell a joke that he doesn’t comprehend and laugh.
Sometimes it’s uproarious when the fool is laughing at himself.