Ants at Angkor

Tour groups.  Now I know what you may think. Here I am, in one of the great archaeological finds of the world, and I'm going to complain about tour groups.  How juvenile.

You would be right. I am going to, for the sake of my sanity, vent a little. Just a little, not a lot mind you. Not enough to scare the children, anyway...

Yesterday, I sat on a pile of stones. And I was waiting: for the parents to scamper off after their little rugrats, for families and couples and creaky old things to pose for their 'variations on a theme, for the crush of sunhats and fanny packs to scuttle off.. for them to get the hell out of the way so I can take one photo of a simple vista...

I waited fifteen minutes, and still they crawled, like ants towards crumbs, over and through my frame, chattering away like baboons, oblivious to the world around them. And that's when my brain exploded.

Sure, being in a tour group is good in some ways.  If you don't have a lot of time, tour groups have specific itineraries that can alleviate the hassles of planning.  They also provide tour guides to provide context for the sights.  And it's nice to be part of a group when you're traveling  – innit?

You may ask, "Is it necessary to bash tour groups?  What have they done to me? Aren't I a better person than that?

The answer? Sure, bashing tour groups is like making fun of retarded people, and no, I'm not one to rise above such petty annoyances, and yes, I am a travel snob.

It's not that I only dislike tour groups – I detest the kind of people that populate them.

For all their positives (e.g. convenience.. um... that's all I can think of), their negatives obliterate any sympathies I may have. Here's a 'tour group' sequence of events I witnessed:

• Tour bus rumbles into the parking lot, alerting all the touts and souvenir vendors to come out in force.
• The group trundles off – men in shorts hiked over their bellies, women with oversized hats, and loud, obnoxious kids free to 'act out' on their vacation.  They chatter excitedly.
• The guide waves a flag and calls for a briefing. Already, they're a distracted bunch, snapping pictures of the first things they see. (e.g "Wow, will ya look at that stone! What a shot! A stone! In Cambodia!" Snap snap snap.)
• The tour guide begins his monologue -- no one listens: kids screaming their heads off, dads pushing moms into some God-awful photo opp, moms yelling for kids to behave, girlfriends dragging boyfriends into cute couply shots, girlfriends pushing boyfriends out so they can badly attempt solo poses of the Cosmo variety.. and so on.
• The tour guide resigns to his fate, cut his flat jokes short, and waves the group onwards.
• They march on, oblivious to other travelers around -- taking up oxygen.
• They giggle and talk – usually about nothing in particular and especially about 'oh, how this place reminds me of that one vacation we had in [fill in the blank]'. They pat themselves on the back for their witty observations into the lives of the host country ("Will ya look at that kid? So malnourished!") and for their insights into how 'the people here live'. After all, they've been in the country for an entire two days.
• They march on, of course,  following a pre-destined path. And just like that, they trundle back on the bus and rush to another site.
• And then, before the last footsteps clatter off, another tour bus rumbles in.

I could continue, but I'd have to shoot myself.

Just a question addressed to individuals who have exhibited any of the following symptoms above.

Do you honestly think that if you don't poster yourself in front of that landmark, your friends and family won't believe that you've been to that place? How many pictures of you do you need to take in front of the Eiffel Tower, the Statue of Liberty, that tree, etc? Good God.  Oh yes, there's one of you standing smiling, then there's one of you grinning, and then there's one of you serious (but smiling), and of course the comic pose because we all know you are just crazy like that.

Tangent: And [Asian] girls out there, what's up with holding up the V-sign. Is it some kind of victory? Or are you trying to re-live your 5 year old days?  Do you think it's cute? You are not a cartoon. Trust me, I know a Cartoon Girl, and an poor imitation of some silly Japanese cartoon ain't it. A tip: no one cares if you're cute. And we all know that while ancient ruins like Angkor are great opportunities to strut the latest fashions from Tokyo and Hong Kong, I think you'd do yourself a favor by leaving the stilettos home, and while it isn't cute, it is tragically funny to see you in a see-through boho-blouse complete with Paris Hilton shades in 100+ degrees huffing and puffing.  Sorry to tell ya, but you stink and sweat just like everyone else, and darlin', those 'cute' capris are just too tight for ya.

Seriously, it's as if the cork popped and all the vanities come rushing out whenever you put a person together with a well-known landmark and a camera.

All kidding aside, I think tour groups serve some purpose – they bring people who wouldn't otherwise have travel out into the world. They make it simple, idiot-proof, and safe.  Independent travel isn't for everyone, and tour groups fills the travel gap for families, retirees, and so on. And the more people who travel, the better. My problem is that a lot of tour groups aren't exactly traveling.

Tour groups makes traveling boring, lazy, and sterile.  Tour guides can be informative, but they often follow a script and rarely do they know spontaneous information.  A schedule is convenient, but you're also stuck with stale meals, too little time at the sights, and not enough of the reality outside of the hotel. Group-think is self-affirming, but it hinders discovery, exploration and introspection. 

When you're in a group, comments and observations from others drown out your own thoughts. Group-chatter evokes the most mundane of ideas – typical, since there's not time for analysis, and of course, everyone wants to be right.. who wants controversy while on vacation?  Of course, with the lack of proper time to enjoy the sights, most tour groups exhibit the frantic camera behavior – they run up to the first interesting items they see, put themselves and their families/friends in front, and snap away. In famous places like Angkor Wat, it's impossible to not be in the middle of such blatant disregard for thoughtful travel...

Tour groups provide a bubble of 'home'' -- bringing the conveniences and familiarity of the group's country into their travels. By doing so, they suck all the interestingness out of the experience.  It's often more about proving that you've been to a sight rather than meeting people and landscapes and histories and cultures -- and letting all those meeting points (the act of traveling) affect and change your experiences -- for better or for worse. 

It's about the money.  It's true, isn't it? With an all too meager holiday, it's best to get the most bang out of the buck spent on a tour group.  Like greedy little ants they are.