Easter Ramblings

I first heard about this Lenten tradition while my family were refugees in Manila – where observers seeking to have a spiritual experience physically crucify themselves and practice self-immolation. With Easter coming up, I am coming up against my biases against organized religion and my own personal .. mmm.. agnostic? deist? proto-Hindu? beliefs.

I grew up in a religious household and never really questioned the value of organized religion until college. But once I did, I found very little value in them for me personally.  In fact, I find little sense to be a part of institutions that have all the imperfections of man while attempting/pursuing to be representative of a Higher Will on earth.  Whether they were televangelists or priests and boys or just the weekly forays into a homogeneous Sunday service experience with good-intentions and little intellectual curiosity – I began to attend church less and less.

And then I started to pursue other religions: Hinduism, Buddhism, and Islam – to see if there were any differences, any real differences between those faiths and my Christian upbringing.  I found that at its spiritual core, the mystical experience is the same.  St. Teresa of Avila and Rumi and Gautama and Ghandi and  T. Aquinas all reached the same point of revelations.  When we touch the divine.. all our petty differences fall away, like the shedding of irrelevant skin.

Why?

What could I get within an organized structure of communal worship, dogma and lectures that I couldn't get outside – based on a personal search and rational thought and discovery?  I found no answer to that, and I couldn't be a part of an intellectually dishonest organization.. no matter the good intentions... and not feel like a hypocrite.  I suppose I find it hardest when the spiritual is defined by one standard and is applied to a fragmented society.  << What I'm getting at is that spirituality is very much a personal thing.  Who can say that they know all the answers (or most of them) when each person relates to the cosmos differently? Why the fuss about homosexuality and not war? Or abortion but not poverty? Or shawl but not suffrage? Meditation but not food & drink?

I find this truism true: that a person's religion tends to be their parents faith.  You only find out about religion when you step away from that comfort zone and examine with (devotion too) personal detachment other beliefs.  What is the value in believing something out of an uninspired status quo?  How can beliefs be honest if they're not tested rigorously?  If the entire foundation of your belief is a comfort with traditions well then heck.. 1) it's not worth it and 2) some belief.

In the end, for me (at this moment, because this kind of thing is always evolving and growing), organized religion had all the imperfections of man, visible in extremities by al-Qaeda, fifteenth century papal actions, widespread wars in SE Asia (yep, Buddhism is also violent)... but the thing that really gets me is the lack of questioning by those under the umbrella. Most people go through their days professing faith/righteousness.. either passively or actively, but never see the contradictions in their lives. 

I know I am a bundle of contradictions, but it's the lack of seeking and the acceptance of being in the comfort zone by organized religion that gets to me.  We all are comprised of multitudes – Whitman.

For me, the easy acceptance is the root of extremism – where were the questions within the flock when the Crusades, Holocaust, Belgium-Congo, Darfur, Rwanda were happening? Where are the questions when SUVs fill the parking lots and trickle-down economics is the vanguard of people who follow a sandal-wearing dude who preached 'leave your homes and your parents and your possessions'?

What is the purpose of organized religion? How did it start? Is it still relevant? What are the benefits and consequences? These questions were the beginnings of my departure.

Morality has existed since we first picked fleas out of each others hides in the forests of Africa. What's going to happen to it now?

While I begrudge the organization, I have nothing but appreciation for colleagues and friends who are open-minded and honest – who really truly believe in their actions and beliefs.  I may not agree with them, but when do we as a species ever agree on anything? Sure, I want to engage in open discussions, but as long as there is no evangelizing or 'Well, God's ways are too mysterious for us to understand" – I'm cool with it.

Because the world needs a response to unhappiness, wretchedness and .. things that just don't work!  Even if the answer comes back as "You're a bunch of cells, doomed to exist for a few seconds then disappear in metaphysical time!". It may suck, but at least it's an answer.

Hope everyone find answers to their questions in this season. Happy Easter to my Christian friends, and belated Seder to my Jewish friends.