Love is Selfish
Love may have selfish origins, but it can't survive if there's no object. If the object is the self, then it's like (dare I use this trite analogy) a fire without air.. it'll suffocate.
I talked to Kei yesterday and she wanted to test out her theory: that people tend to date other persons with similar physical features.
"Sure," I said, "Do I look like YupNo?"
"Yeah," she said, "You do.. more so than you look like your other friends."
Appalling. (I disagree, of course.)
The reason, she said, is that most people are selfish, and so they look for similar physical (and psychological) characteristics in their partners. "They want to be reminded of themselves." And ultimately, love is a selfish matter.
Whaaaaa?
To a certain extent, I agree. Everything is selfish.. your reactions to the world, emotions, actions.. whatever.. they all come back to Descartes' little ditty "I am, therefore I exist". The starting point of all actions is ourselves, and aren't all our good actions done partially because they make us feel good?
Love doesn't escape that absolute. We love because love makes us feel good -- because it releases chemical reactions / emotions / spiritualities that communicate a 'this is good (!)' effect to our brains. Nothing wrong with that. In fact, love is mutual. We feel good, and hey, if we're careful enough, the other person feels good too.
But it can't be totally selfish, can it? I don't think so.
Love may have selfish origins, but it can't survive if there's no object. If the object is the self, then it's like (dare I use this trite analogy) a fire without air.. it'll suffocate. The definition of love requires that there be an external source to which the feelings, emotions and actions are directed towards. I think that's the only way that love can grow and expand.. it's almost parasitic that way: it needs an object to which it can attach and feed.
Love and knowledge have direct relationships: without increase knowledge, the sentiments are extinguished... and the love of self is an anathema to knowledge. We our blinded by ourselves, and it's only through the love of others that we become relevant to our thoughts.
How's that huh? I can totally write a self-help book.
You got a little Voltaire on me here, so you lost me...but I think we look for mates similar to us because of fear. We fear the unknown, so we look for what we know (thus others that mirror ourselves).
Posted by: C.H.Ha | January 23, 2007 at 07:43 PM
I guess I think we look for people to complement us – not necessarily similar to us. We need an object to love and that object can't be ourselves. The exciting part about relationships is finding out the unexpected – I think it's also the most rewarding.
Hey, what's the chemical composition of C-H-H? I know it's something cool.
Posted by: j.fisher | January 23, 2007 at 08:04 PM
You know when you see a super hot guy with an average looking girl, and all you think is "How did SHE snag him?"
I want to be that girl.
Forget dating in my own league. I want to have that extra oomph factor that catapults me to the next level up. And then I can smile smugly at all those girls who look at us and feel puzzled. Muahahahahaha!
Posted by: ink | January 23, 2007 at 08:46 PM
and just to add - I'm a little off-put by guys who are too similar to me. If we like all the same books, and all the same music, and all the same things, it freaks me out. I don't want to date myself. It's not any fun that way. It makes things more interesting if you're different, and you end up doing/trying things you never would have otherwise.
Posted by: ink | January 23, 2007 at 08:48 PM
i like myself. if i could find someone like me, that would rock. almost as much as hagen daas coffee ice cream.
Posted by: j.fisher | January 25, 2007 at 12:12 PM