Minutes til' Midnight
Know anyone with a real life Cinderella story? One that doesn't involve wealth?
Seems like I might have to cut short the fairy tale and head back to the States. As the son of first generation immigrants, it's the cards I was born with, to provide in some small ways, financial stability for the folks. That's the reality versus this fantasy. Responsibility for others versus self-ish ego. Life that I have to live versus the life I want to live.
Somewhere, there's common ground, innit?
That's the tightrope I've been trying to walk my entire life. I can take philosophy courses along with finance. Work at a bank and write on the side. Plug into the corporate ladder and take off to travel every couple of years.
I guess not so much anymore. It's a game of numbers, really.
(My earning potential x retirement of both parents x their earning potential)^reality = resume drop
And it's the fact that I'm so far into game. I have too much of a guilt complex by being the Asian kid that I am to say, fuck-it-all, I'm living my own life, cause in the end, it isn't my life to live -- we are all comprised of multitudes, and mine happen to have a huge helping of the sacrifices by my parents.
So I'll go on trying to be the good kid in hopes that they can live a good life. And it's weighing heavy – reality is nibbling away at this house of cards that I'm holding.. and I have no recourse but to play.
Perhaps one last hurrah – and maybe I can make my 5 minutes last a little longer.
Dude, two things:
1. It is normal to go through these ups and downs. But it is important to also remember of those god awful days at the office when all you wanted to do was NOT be there. Also important to remember that by being unhappy in the god awful job you are less likely to succeed to the level where you can actually and seriously help your folks. On the other hand, by pursuing what you actually want to do, the chances of success are higher. So I think.
2. You need to watch Match Point. I hate Woody Allen films, but this is phenomenal.
Posted by: vinny | March 10, 2006 at 06:49 AM
hey dude,
i hear ya. i wish i can go full steam and ya know, go get an MFA and devote the next 10 years to a 30K/year job, but looks like it ain't in the cards. at least not for a while. but i hear ya.
i'll check out matchpoint. somewhere there's a DVD of it for $1 here. when are you back in the states?
Posted by: j.fisher | March 10, 2006 at 07:53 AM
Back to the states this tuesday March 21st. Was thinking of going to Vietnam to see you guys in early April, but now I am not even sure you will be there?????? WTF?!! Hehe.
Posted by: vinny | March 10, 2006 at 12:14 PM
DUDE, you should totally come. One of my buddies might come to travel around the region in April too. I'll be here.
Posted by: j.fisher | March 10, 2006 at 01:32 PM
osh, if I make a donation, will you be able to stay? That's a brutal decision. Come back and I'll treat you to some pho ga in my 5X5 apartment. Its getting pretty good- 65% Mom approved.
pauline
Posted by: piffledpauline | March 15, 2006 at 07:37 PM