So blog: I haven't really named you, I mean you have a name but I can't call you Pause Rewind or even II << (how would that make sense) or PR -- I mean, that'll just remind me of public relations and I hate that sort of PR. OTOH (on the other hand), the other kind of PR, the San Juan kind, is not so much better. Let's not get into why I don't like that kind of PR cause it can get ugly quick - what with my racio-geo-psyco-and all the other half hyphenated conundrums.
I suppose it's too late to name you now -- I can't think of clever names like Nine or sassy names like Red Pill or whatever. I suppose that's it. I've been feeling the 'too late' bug for a while. It's too late for me to live a certain life, too late to be a certain way, too late to experience way too many things.
And I've been living my life in parenthesis, an 'OTOH' sort of way. Less patience for failings, personal or the world, I've wandered through switchbacks and turned corners, tramping through the woods listening to the sound of my own voice. Start something here, leave it for the things that could be over there.
When I was a philosophy major, I could have been an English lit grad. OTOH, business had those dollar signs and I could philosophize whenever I was retired at 35. I was a banker before I tried advertising. OTOH, finance paid the bills; OTOH a start-up would give me control; OTOH, fuck all this stuff, can't I live the way I dream? OTOH, there's only so much living I can do when it's all selfish – a job doesn't sound that bad, what with all the bills; OTOH maybe it's just all too late.
The young have few costs to their opportunities, but each year yield new opportunity costs. There have been a lot of 'it could be this way' and 'but then again (it could be this way)' – and all the time time slips from it's own definition, never standing still for the kind of comprehension that I'd like my life to consider.
It's a game for younger legs. I just want a smoke. Be on the outside. Light up and peer in from the outside. It's easier to the on the outside. The safety net is starting to entangle me.
I hear you, but remember one of my favorite sayings: You don't stop playing because you get old, you get old because you stop playing
Posted by: Vinny | April 02, 2008 at 09:34 AM