The Run Around

Customer Support. It's only after I've done it for my company (due to an emergency) that I realize how shady it is. Smokes and mirrors.  Everything is a-ok.  Yessir, we'll get that for you. But only after we sit on our asses for a couple of days and if we remember to do it.

I decided to send flowers to Candice for our 2 year anniversary at her office.  Calling her this morning, I suddenly realize that she was traveling on business, so she won't get back to the city until this afternoon, which means she won't go to the office. And since Monday is Passover, she won't be in until Tuesday.

1. So I called FedEx to see if I can changed the delivery address, figuring that I can deliver it to her apt. in time for the flight arrival. FedEx informed me that only the flower company can change the address so I'll have to go through them. Thank you very much sir, hope it works out.

2.  After listening to the classic Kenny G tunes while on hold, I got a representative of the flower company. Yes, she said with a twang, we'll call FedEx for you, and since it's the same day, we'll send out another order for tomorrow morning that will arrive at her apt, and we'll cancel this one. No worries, we'll handle it for you.

3.  I tracked the status online after lunch and saw that the package had been delivered, although the flowers were left at the door (of a business??) with no signature.  Sounds fishy, so I called Candice's office to see if the secretaries had received anything.  Nothing.  Nothing received for the entire morning.  Why don't you call FedEx to confirm, they said. Sure, I said. I hadn't thought of that.

4.  I called the flower company again to inquire about the package; after all, they had told me that they would call FedEx and get another shipment out for tomorrow. Well, sir, said another friendly voice, why don't you check with FedEx.  We know as much as you, I'm afraid, and I see that the package has been delivered. Well, have you called like you said you would, I asked. I can't say, sir, she replied.  You should call FedEx--I'll transfer you--they can probably tell you. That's the best thing to do.

5. So I talked to FedEx and explained the story, for the 4th time in the day.  Oh no sir, no one from the flower company called us.  I see that the package has been delivered.. but isn't this a residential address?  No, I said, this is a business address.  And I would know because I've delivered the same flower to this address before.  Oh I see, the voice replied.  Well, what we'll do is call the driver to see if he can pick up the flowers again and see if we can't deliver it to the apt. by tomorrow.  I'm not quite sure what happened.  Well, you see, I began.  I've done everything I can—I've basically done your job of supporting myself: I tracked down the package, ensured to see if it was delivered, and more so, to the right address.  But that's all I can do.  I don't physically have the package to do that.  If I did, I'd take the flowers to the apt. myself.  But that's your job, and now, none of us know where those flowers are???  Well sir, the voice stirred, we'll see what we can do and we'll call you back ok?  The system said it's delivered, but oviously it hasn't--isn't this a residential address?  (No you stupid shit it isn't, I've told you that already!) No, it isn't, but please let me know and here are my phone numbers.

And so I sit here and simmer; because somehow my credit card is heavier and there are no flowers to be had.  Sometimes I want to reach through the phone and strangle someone.. anyone, it doesn't matter.  There is something so frustrating about business when direct human interaction is minimized.. when all we depend on are machines and numbers and zeroes and ones flying back and forth without any thought to the boiling frustration that is building within the humans that have to decipher their soulless codes.  I want to be like the guys in Office Space when they start kicking the printer and fax machine.  Except somehow I want to grab the Internet in my hands and wring it dry.

it's cute that you get all worked up over flowers not reaching your girlfriend :)

Posted by: ink | April 24, 2005 at 09:56 PM

Well, it turned out that they finally delivered the flowers TWICE. One to the office at 4 pm and another bouquet to her apt. the next morning... =)

Posted by: j.fisher | April 27, 2005 at 07:16 PM