Zathustra comes on down

You know how in Superman Returns... well, he returns? And finds that everything has changed while remaining the same?

Sort of similar quandary here.

Have I changed that much? Have I changed, progressed, regressed? For the love of God... have I gotten old?

I've tried, honestly.  I've gone out to a couple of parties over the past weeks, old haunts and whatnot.. but it ain't the same. All I see are young Turks and the objects of their affections doing the bump bumpity bump out on the dance floors.  It's been loud music, louder suits and egos shouting over one another.  The cool guys stand in clusters, paws around their social lubricants, eyes mesmerized by the svelte hips of their intended paramours; the girls, like gazelles, dance in a herd, until the weakest one is enticed by the lion stares and breaks away from the safety nets of tight bosoms and black pants...

Ok, so clubs aren't my thing.  Loud bars, lounges, and pubs just make me look like the silly twentysomething that I am.  Maybe I've just been too used to life on the road – or maybe I'm idealizing the travels too much.  Maybe I miss the stark quietness – the mountains and deserts and beaches – the simple beers under thatched huts, the randomness that border the sublime, the tense moments of danger before the explosions of release...

I guess I'm finding it hard to readjust to the boisterous social scene here. I liked them before, but they seem vacant now (?), devoid of any substantive addition to my current pursuits.

What? You're looking for metaphysical meanings at clubs? What a dumbass.

I suppose I'm looking for something. Something to replace the weight of the travels.  I suppose I just want some good conversations. That's hard to do when the main social scene is varnished by hip hop and punctuated by drunken shouts and wild hand gestures over the cavorting of newly minted legal-IDs-owners.

Here I am, in the biggest baddest motherfucking city on earth, and the process of starting over threatens to hem me in.. and old habits and social scenes and crowds seem like a quaint relic of yesteryear, like bike or letterman jacket that I've outgrown.

I suppose I am in need of new horizons.. or at least a change of scenery.  I think I'm gonna give meetup.com a try again to see if there are some cool groups to join. Has anyone ever given them a try?

All I'm saying is... gimme a few dreamers and a good bottle of wine and everything opens up.

True that! Man, that resonates so much with me. So today I drove 30 miles each way to get to this interview and at the end of it I told the guy that maybe I was not the right person because while it sounds interesting I do not have direct experience in something like that (Financial Analysis for a restaurant chain). I mean, questions were about what I would do to find out whether a new scoop for the chinese food is having an impact on COGS. Um....WHAT? I mean, these people really are into the nitty gritty dude. But anyway, I figured why not, if I feel like telling them I dont think I am right for the job then I will. But also, 30 miles is FAAAAR. And driving at 65 MPH for that long is grueling. And so I learned that no way in HELL am I driving like that to go to work. IN HELL. Did I say in hell??? I mean, I got back like 5 hours ago and I am still mentally drained from that drive. So yea, am I wise eating my savings up in search for the dream job that may not exist whereas I could be home in Ecuador chilling at grandma's and going to bed at 9pm? And seriously, why do people in the US go to bed at like midnight or 1am and think it's normal or even cool? Man am I a misfit. So anyway, it's been a weird day. The nap was good though. Give couchsurfing a try dude, you can find some cool cats in there. V

Posted by: vinny | January 31, 2007 at 07:22 PM

I hear ya. I'm chasing a 'dream' job too... but am I idealizing it too much? Hard to say. I just like challenges that will expand my horizons, creatively and intellectually, that's all. That's why I can't live in the South or Midwest.. I hate long drives.. to work. I love long drives without destinations!

Posted by: j.fisher | January 31, 2007 at 08:42 PM